On Thursday I was told that my mom died.  For awhile I just stood there thinking this has to be some really bad joke.  When it finally sunk in I just sorta fell apart.  I cried until it hurt.  Right now I just feel kinda numb, writing it down helps sort through everything.  I don't know what do, sometimes I find myself thinking that this is some kind of bad dream and that I need to wake up now.  I think the worst part is that my so called family that had ignored me up till now is all of a sudden proclaiming their sorrow for me.  They keep spouting out thank God this or thank God for that.  I let people believe in whatever the hell they want to but right now I want to tell them to shove the God crap up theirs.  I really needed to get this down so if anybody is insulted by what I just said I apologize but I need to rant.  Thanks to anyone who cares, I'm sick of people pretending to.